Commander Shepard is in my house!
by I have a jar of dirt
Summary: A "Reversed" self-insert, if you want. After some kind of freak event, Commander John Shepard, the Hero of Humanity, lands smack dab in my house! Unfortunately, my life gets pretty messy as I try to keep him secret from the rest of the world. Rated T


**Hello there! Welcome to my new fanfic!**

**I have read and studied several Self Inserts about Mass Effect off lately. Some were good, and some were... Well, meh. **

**However, I decided a fresh idea was needed in that department, so I created this story. The idea has been present in my head for a while, but I never got to realise it since my computer crashed. But well, here I am.**

**I hope you enjoy it, and please rate and review!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Mass Effect.**

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Space.

The Great Void, it had been called sometimes. That was not entirely true; space, after all, contained stars, planets, nebulas, black holes and other things discovered and not yet discovered. But it lacked air, therefore space was quiet. The fantastic views and the serenity of the Void had inspired many poets, composers and filmmakers in the galaxy. And so it was. Calm. Serene.

At least until a ripple could be seen near an icy planet, disturbing the balance for a while.

The Normandy exited FTL and drifted through space, temporarily lightened up by the neighboring star. It was a beautiful ship, slick and streamlined and with the looks of an elegant predator, but armed to the teeth with cutting edge technology and weaponry. Anyone foolish enough to attack it would be decieved by it's alluring looks.

Currently, most of the crew was working in the Combat Information System of the ship. The entire area was bustling with activity as crewmen walked from one station to another or were monitoring the ship's progress.

In the cockpit sat Joker, the sometimes foulmouthed pilot, and navigator Pressly. Both of them were, of course, unhappy that such a ship like the Normandy had been ordered to patrol near the edge of the infamous Terminus Systems. But orders were orders.

"We're wasting our time," Pressly complained. "Four weeks searching up and down this sector and we haven't seen any signs of Geth activity."

"Three ships disappeared here the last month," Joker remarked. "Something happened to them."

"My money's on slavers, the Terminus Systems are crawling with them," the navigator answered.

An ensign quickly ended the argument. "Picking up something on the long range scanners," she said as she moved several holographic screens around her computer. "Hm. Looks like a cruiser."

The pilot frowned. "It doesn't match any known signatures..."

"Cruiser is changing course. Now on intercept trajectory..." The ensign stopped dead in her tracks.

"Can't be," Pressly muttered. "Stealth systems are engaged. There's no way a Geth ship could..."

"That's not the Geth," Joker cut him of abruptly. "Brace for evasive maneuvres!"

Behind the Normandy, an enormous, fearsome ship appeared. It was terrifying as it was grotesque; it's shell was composed of both unknown hull plating and huge boulders. The front end of the ship glowed a bright yellow before a powerful beam surged out, hitting the Normandy. The beam tore right through the unfortunate ship's kinetic barriers.

Pressly's terminal exploded in front of him, killing him.

"Pressly!" shouted the ensign before she was blown of her terminal too. Everywhere deadly explosions tore through the interior of the ship, killing several more crewmen. "Somebody get that fire out!" Joker shouted as he was struggling to get the ship to hold.

Meanwhile, Ashley was running for her dear life towards commander Shepard, paying little attention to the dying crew around her. He found him putting on his helmet.

"Shepard!" she shouted.

"Distress beacon is ready for launch," told the commander.

"Will the Alliance be here in time?"

Shepard paused a bit before turning to her. "The Alliance won't abandon us. We just need to hold on."

"Joker won't abandon ship," she told him. "I'm not leaving, either."

Shepard turned to Ashley. A nearby explosion thrusted her right into his arms before she regained her balance. As they held each other, he looked deeply in her eyes.

"Get everyone to the escape shuttles. I'll get Joker out of here."

She released him to go, but turned around again to face him.

"Shepard..."

He pointed towards the door.

"Ash. Go. Now."

As soon as she left, he returned to the distress beacon. Several explosions boomed over him, but he cared little for it as he started it up. Now he had to get Joker and get out.

He ran through the burning quarters of the ship, hearing Joker sending out distress calls to any nearby ships.

"Mayday, mayday, this is the SSV Normandy! We've suffered heavy damage from a unknown enemy! Come on baby, hold together, hold together..."

Shepard opened the airlock a the top of the stairs and entered what was left of the CIC. A large hole had been torn up, giving a clear view of the planet which the wreck of the Normandy was floating around, and the ship that had attacked it could be seen far away in the horizon. The Galaxy map flickered several times while chairs hanged in mid-air; their occupants had either died or fled while they floated around aimlessly. Shepard saw no corpses: He grimly assumed they had been sucked out into the cold of space. It was all quiet, like a graveyard.

Shepard carefully navigated his way though the ship, shoving away debris and electronics that had been torn away from the hull. Finally, he arrived in the cockpit.

Joker was desperate, Shepard saw that. He was frantically typing, hoping to somehow save the Normandy. But it was too late.

"Come on Joker, we've got to get out of here!"

The pilot turned towards him in disbelief "No, I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still save her!"

"The Normandy's gone, Joker," Shepard whispered. "Going down with the ship won't change that."

The pilot hung his head low. Taking this in was hard to him. The Normandy was more than a ship; it was _his _ship. But Shepard was right. Going down with the ship wasn't going to help.

"Alright," he sighed. "Help me up." He took a quick glance at the monitor. "Uh-oh. They're coming around for another attack!"

Shepard looked outside the window; the monstrous ship was charging it's beam again. Shepard firmly grasped Joker's arm and helped him up, which earned a complain from the pilot's side. "Ow, watch the arm!" The commander ignored the remark and lifted him over his shoulders, and then carried him to the escape pod before opening the door and putting him down gently. As soon as Shepard was going to climb in, however, the ship violently rocked, throwing him of balance. Just as he tried to reach for the handle on the escape pod again, a yellow beam tore through the hull right in front of him.

Shepard could only watch in horror as the pod's hatch closed while he was cut off. Joker banged frantically on the window. "Commander! Shepard!" But it was too late; the pod exited the ship.

A screeching noise was heard as the yellow beam cut through the Normandy like a knife in hot butter. Finally, the ship couldn't take it anymore; the hull crumpled like tinfoil before an explosion sent the commander floating through the vacuum. Several smaller explosions tore through the wreck before the entire structure was disintegrated in a bright, fiery blast, and violently propelling Shepard out in space.

He could only contemplate helplessly as the ship he had grown to call home had vanished into nothingness. He would die out here if he didn't get help soon, anyway-

Shepard turned around to see a piece of wreckage hurl towards him at high speeds. Unable to do anything, he prepared for the worst as the chunk of metal collided with him...

Everything went black.

And space was quiet again.

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It was a good day today, one of those fine summer days when school was out, with no stress and no duties to fulfill. Simply relax and do whatever you want.

Naturally, this put me in a good mood.

My vacation had started only several days ago, and my parents had gone shopping somewhere in the outskirts of Gothenburg and wouldn't be back within a good couple of hours. In short, I was free.

My name's Carl. Fifteen years old. Average height, blonde hair that goes exactly to my back, green eyes, pale skin from being swedish, quite thin, slight bags under the eyes for having stared at screens for so long, and not physically strong. And of course, I was cynic, or considered myself so. In short, a not so average Joe, or a not so average Svensson as we say over here in the cold North.

Currently I was sitting in my average position; in one of those large sacks you could sit in (or sink through) playing Halo: Reach, chatting about everything and nothing with my friends over XBOX Live and eating crisps and coca-cola.

I hadn't planned for anything special during the holiday, except for my birthday. So I was going to sit here and be perfectly happy about it. Actually, maybe I would treat myself with another crisp for landing that sweet headshot with the DMR, which ultimately led to the end of the game.

Ah, life was good.

I stopped Matchmaking searching for a moment, long enough to fetch another glass of coke. After a quick word through the mic to my buddies, I put down the controller and went to the kitchen. Now, no one would think anything was wrong walking down the corridor to the kitchen-

-unless the door to the bathroom in the far end opened and some random guy flew out!

"WHOA!" I shouted, ducking on instinct while the dude flew over me and landed on the floor.

It took a while for me to realize what actually had happened; I looked in pure shock at the bathroom door, then to the guy on the floor, and then back to the bathroom door. I heard some grunting behind my back. Slowly, I turned around and stared like an idiot on the man lying there. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes before taking a closer look at the now standing man.

I noticed the helmet lying on the floor was very familiar. A bit too familiar.

I gazed upwards. That logo... That armor... N7?

And then finally, I caught a good glimpse a the man staring back at me...

No, wait, this was impossible...

"C-commander SHEPARD?" I blurted out.

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**DUN-DUN-DUN!**

**Well, see ya in the next chapter! Soon, I hope...**


End file.
